My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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