i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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