he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
