dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
