absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
