if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
