cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
