Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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