No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
