I just made out with a guy for $7.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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