I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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