I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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