I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
