I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
