i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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