Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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