i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
