It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
