that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
