No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize