thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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