No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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