The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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