he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
