dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
