I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
