She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
