Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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