Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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