Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
