just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
