dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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