God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
