i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
