So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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