My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
