I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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