is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize