so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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