3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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