Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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