Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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