so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
