how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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