I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
