You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
