If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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