I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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