I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
