I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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