smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
