this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
