with your own penis?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
