Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
