Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
