Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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