how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
