I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every concussion has its silver lining
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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