i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
