history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
