I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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