you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You're like the curious george of whores
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
