That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
