this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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