On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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