I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
