If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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