I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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