In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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