My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
