How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
