the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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