So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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