I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
