put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
