I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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