Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize